


Falling For You Doesn't Feel Like Falling

by coffeeblossoms02



Series: People Come and Go, So Does Pain [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Feelings Realization, Gen, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, M/M, i still don't know what to tag help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 10:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18715606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeblossoms02/pseuds/coffeeblossoms02
Summary: Changbin comes over, Jisung comes to a conclusion





	Falling For You Doesn't Feel Like Falling

**Author's Note:**

> this was made because our baby squirrel deserves his own happiness and all the love in this world xx <3

_The deep affection Jisung has for Changbin,_

_that goes beyond daily endless conversation, comfort hugs, or words of affirmations,_

_never felt like falling._

 

**Private Chat: Hana <3 Binnie**

**Binnie** : pup quick question

 **Binnie** : choco or green tea latte

 **Hana** : choco

 **Hana** : why hyung

 **Binnie** : for ice cream

 **Binnie** : wait they don’t have choco

 **Binnie** : they don’t have green tea either

 **Binnie** : what kind of fuckery

 **Hana** : hyung

 **Hana** : anythings fine

 **Binnie** : I’ll get you durians then

 **Hana** : hyung!

 **Binnie** : whats with aNyThInGs FiNe

 **Binnie** : I didn’t raise you to be fickle

 **Hana** : hyung

 **Hana** : you d i d n t raise me

 **Hana** : channie hyung did

 **Binnie** : gASP the d i s r e s p e c t

 **Binnie** : tch whatever

 **Binnie** : oreo it is then

 **Hana** : did I even have a choice in the first place hyung?

 **Binnie** : nope not really

 **Binnie** : just wanna know what you want

 **Hana** : eye-

 **Binnie** : see you pup

 

Jisung doesn't realize there’s smile etched on his face in the whole conversation, too engrossed with the giddy feeling from texting with Changbin.

He’s doing assignment in his room. By _doing_ means _taking quick glimpses of the materials every two seconds, bullshitting on the worksheet while watching some videos, hoping it’ll turn out best_ , which, to be fair, he’s fully aware it won’t work like that. But with attention span of a toddler, and there’s only so much enthusiasm for international political history could give, he really did try his best.

And with Changbin’s text, what remains of his will to get the work at least nicely done is thrown out the window.

(He’s clearly about to regret it and cry over his scores later but _Changbin and ice cream_ comes first.)

He jolts up from his position lying on his stomach in front of his laptop and rushes to the mirror then rakes his hair to make it look decent. After changing into more presentable clothes—something that isn’t pajamas, he examines his room. Deciding Changbin is familiar with his mess of a space already anyway, he only put away his dirty clothes and trashes.

 

_It didn't even start with common—cliché infatuation._

_There was no sparks, no flowers blooming on his path, no butterflies fluttering in his belly whatsoever._

_It isn't common to set fireworks and confetti for something so familiar it’s carved into the memories after all, isn't it?_

 

When he tries to distract himself from the excitement of meeting Changbin again after a while by playing game on his phone, assignment long forgotten ( _sorry_ _Chan hyung, looks like I'm gonna procrastinate till last minute again_ ), his bell rings.

He tries not to run, _emphasis on try_ , he _only_ skips his way to the door.

But sometimes he forgets Changbin snatches hearts for pastime.

Changbin greets him at the door with the ice cream and his easy smile, “Hey Pup.”

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss that smile and the pet name didn’t make his heart stutter. “Hi hyung”

But Jisung is still somewhere between denying and accepting what he feels about Changbin, so he simply let the older slips into his apartment like it’s his own place, making himself comfortable on his couch. There’s nothing special in itself, but the domesticity in the way Changbin leaning comfortably on _his_ couch makes his chest warm. He bites his lower lip, trying not to grin widely. “You want some drink, hyung?”

Changbin shakes his head, his infuriatingly attractive lazy smile presents, while shrugging his jacket off and pats the space beside him, “How have you been, Pup?”

Jisung scrunches his nose, acting reluctant, but he knows Changbin knows it’s far from the truth, and waddles away, plopping next to Changbin, and immediately leaning to him. “School’s killing me but it’s killing everybody else too, so.”

Changbin wraps his arm around Jisung, pulling him closer, humming, “School sucks but I believe you’ll do well. You have what it takes, you’re good at studying.”

He snorts, ignoring the heat creeping on his neck, “If by _good_ you mean _in bullshitting all my papers_ , yeah, I’m pretty good at it.”

Changbin laughs, “Hey, don't discredit yourself like that. I know you're good.”

Jisung hums noncommittally, snuggling closer to Changbin and letting his eyes fall shut, basking in the feeling of Changbin’s arms around him that he didn’t realize he missed a lot. _Warm_.

 

_Changbin was there—has always been,_

_a shoulder for him to lean on, pair of arms that keep him safe and warm, a presence so bright he could never afford to be sad around, a soul so altruistic he gives Jisung a room to be himself and make him feel safe about it, a hand that would smack his head if he was being stupid, that would also push Jisung past his limits, all the way to his breaking point in order to be the best, but always holding him tight as he did so, never let him fall down—let alone apart._

_So is it really his fault if a different kind of warmth bleeds from his heart spreads through his body at the reoccurring thoughts about Changbin, and thrums in his veins, brimming in him he’s shaking from it every time Changbin is around, so close in his hold; terrifies him?_

 

“You have something you wanted to tell me?” Changbin asks when Jisung’s about to doze off, comfortable in his arms.

How well Changbin could read him also scares him sometimes.

He blames it on their proximity, wrapped in each other's arms; Changbin could practically sense if something’s off with him.

“Not really,” he mumbles quietly, staring at Changbin’s shirt and draws patterns on it.

“Are you sure?”

And he’s silenced. _Jisung tells Changbin about everything and anything_ , and he _does_ want to tell the other about the tingling warm feeling in his chest, but how could he _tell_ _Changbin_ about his most recent discovery that he is apparently harboring feelings for him, he has been for a while at that? He chuckles, hoping the sound doesn’t give out how nervous he actually is. “What about you, hyung? How’s work?”

“It’s fine,” Changbin hums. “The workload kinda gives me headache, but other than that, everything’s peachy.”

Jisung almost can breathe in relief.

“Kinda missed you though, I had to make animal cartoon and I wanted to draw squirrel, but they said they wanted something more familiar for children, like cats and dogs, or even bears.”

Maybe he knows why, but he still wants to hear Changbin say it, “Why did you want to draw a squirrel?”

Changbin answers easily, “Because it’s you.”

It’s unfair how Changbin can say something that causes his heart swell with hope so casually like it means nothing.

“What, you mean I look like a small mammal that stuffs its food in its cheeks?”

“Pup, you know you do look like a squirrel and you do stuff your food in your cheeks when you eat,” Changbin deadpans, laughing.

He makes face at Changbin, “Go draw a pizza slice, hyung, it looks like you.”

“Do I make a cute pizza slice?” Changbin asks with his aegyo glory, high pitched voice, a finger poking his own cheek.

He turns around instantly, still dies of cringe attack every time Changbin does aegyo, no matter how much he does it. But he can’t go anywhere as Changbin tightens his hold on him while he laughs shamelessly. He doesn’t resist though, laughing along, enjoying getting squeezed in Changbin’s arms.

 

_Distance and time didn’t do anything to their strong bond._

_If anything, they amplified the double meaning, ever present, underlying affection for the both of them._

_The time they spent separated from each other, the gaping vacant space Minho left in Jisung’s life, and Changbin’s too friendly, borderline flirty nature that makes everyone easily falls on their knees for him which also caused weird burning feeling in Jisung’s chest,_

_have made the feelings known to him._

_But it didn’t make the realization any less dramatic for him._

_It dawned on him slowly, as the pain of longing got harder and harder to ignore, and even harder for him to brush off as him mistaking it with his own unending dependency to Changbin._

_And as much as his own realization surprises him, he doesn’t know what to do with it._

 

He wants nothing than stay in Changbin’s arms, where he feels safe the most, secured from the world. But the newfound want itself surprises him, as he’s never felt so strongly about being with Changbin before. So as much as he doesn’t want to, he pushes through and excuses himself to the bathroom.

He crouches down on the floor and taps on one of his speed dials as soon as the door closed behind him, his fingers tapping the back of his phone frantically while waiting.

It doesn’t take long for Felix to answer, “Yes, honey?”

“I think I’m in love with Binnie hyung,” he rasps to the speaker.

“ _You think_ you love him?” Felix repeats, somehow doesn’t sound surprised at all.

He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, frustrated with himself, “No, no, I know now that I… love him. I just-I don’t know what to do with this.”

Felix laughs, his deep voice vibrates through in pure amusement, somehow manages to calm his nerves down. “Sungie, it’s so simple. Just _tell him_ that.”

His teeth worry his lower lip. “But what if it goes wrong? I can’t live without him!”

He can hear Felix rolling his eyes, “Now, mate, don’t be ridiculous. He won’t leave you just because you tell him you love him in very gay way. And, who knows, maybe he feels the same about you?”

Jisung hisses, “But you don’t know!”

“That’s why you go find out, dumbass.”

“Why are you my platonic soulmate again?”

“I’m your voice of reason, that’s why,” Felix replies smugly before hanging up.

He stares with wide eyes at his phone in disbelief until a new text pops on his screen.

 

**Private Chat: Jilix Unite**

**Jjix** : I want FULL story of you getting laid later ;)

 **Jjix** : j u i c y details included

 **Sung** : I hope minnie suffocate you with all his love

 **Jjix** : aw love you too honey <3

 

_Falling for Changbin never felt like falling._

_Changbin is a constant presence in his life._

_So it doesn’t come as a surprise that recognizing the feeling of falling for Changbin feels more like coming home;_

_a regular routine, so mundane that you’d only notice you had it when you’re ripped off of it._

_And he felt the lack of Changbin’s presence like a healed wound being picked open when Minho left and Changbin was on duty some place afar, so he was left alone to reevaluate his life and tend his wound on his own (_ except for Felix and Seungmin who refused to leave him alone to drown in his own misery and self blaming _)._

 

When he comes out of the bathroom, Changbin is reading something on his phone, looking effortlessly handsome, with ice cream served in two small bowls on the coffee table.

He wonders inwardly what he did to deserve having someone so perfect in his life.

Changbin looks up, there’s smile lighting up his face as his eyes land on Jisung, one so contagious Jisung can’t help but return it wholeheartedly.

“Is that my oreo ice cream?” he asks cheerily, skipping to his place next to Changbin and takes one bowl.

Changbin chuckles, locking his phone and shove it into his pocket, turning all his attention to Jisung, “Yes, I think your brain deserves a little gift after doing that paper.”

He looks down at his bowl only to have his face splits into wide smile, and whips his head towards Changbin, “Hyung, this is chocolate!”

Changbin grins, soft and easy, “Yes Pup, it is.”

“You’re too soft for me, hyung,” he snickers smugly before inhaling his ice cream.

“Maybe I am,” Changbin nods absentmindedly. “I don’t mind though.”

Jisung chokes on his scoop, the ice cream get into the wrong pipe because his hopeful mind decides to interpret Changbin’s words in the way he really wishes how it is and halts in processing the cold treat.

Changbin, being Jisung’s savior, Jisung’s knight in shining armor he is, runs to the kitchen and brings him water.

When Changbin returns, he fusses over him, but Jisung drowns in his eyes instead, a pair of black pools that are always filled with fondness and warmth, very attentive about the needs of his loved ones, now directed to him in worry.

But he doesn’t like the frown decorating Changbin’s face. “Hyung, don’t frown.”

Changbin blinks, pulling away a bit from leaning so close while he holds the mug for Jisung. “Huh?”

He panics, blurting the first thing that comes to mind, “You look ugly when you frown.”

Changbin stares at him wide eyes for a second then laughs, “Okay, so I’m supposed to _worry_ about you with _smile_ on my face?”

“You shouldn’t worry about me in the first place, hyung,” he says seriously, lips pursed into a pout.

“You're a klutz, worrying about you is kind of part of the deal for staying close to you,” Changbin retorts with pointed look.

He’s left speechless, looking at Changbin with mouth agape. He’s too taken aback to notice Changbin has ducked his head down to hide the blush creeping on his face. They stay like that for a while, both too stunned with Changbin’s words for varying reasons, not knowing how to take it.

Until the drama Changbin played on tv melts the awkward silence engulfing them and they’re back into bantering about how the plot seems to always take random turns.

When it’s quiet, he steals a glance at Changbin, who’s immersed by the story, illuminated by the lights from the screen, bathing him in blue lights, making him looks softer, more handsome.

He turns his head and smiles to himself, now sure of his feelings about the other male watching drama quietly with him.

The sky bleeds into night, melting time in its passing, rendering Jisung to complain inwardly why time can’t go slower when he’s with Changbin. But there simply would never be enough time to spend with Changbin if they had forever in their hands. Jisung shakes his head, for his thoughts of Changbin, again, takes him by surprise for the nth time of the day, but this time he welcomes them with open hands.

Changbin complains about how fast time flies too, but makes no move of going back home, ordering them dinner instead, nasi goreng, his current favorite. He said he wanted to have plump cheeks like Jisung’s “ _because they’re cute_ ” so he has to eat a lot of rice. Jisung wouldn’t oppose though, he’d love squishing Changbin’s cheeks too.

When they’re done eating, they sit in comfortable silence. Jisung continues doing his paper on the coffee table and Changbin reads an ebook on his phone on the couch. Changbin looks so good being comfortable, clad in all black, _his color_ , face and body relaxed.

An urge to say what’s been flowing in his head washes over him and Jisung was never known for holding in what he has to say.

“Hyung, I love you,” he blurts out, with his heart shaped smile, full round cheeks, bright, doe eyes shining on display (yes, he knows his power and yes, he may or may not has exploits it too often he’s surprised it still has the desired effect on Changbin, _but hey, let’s not let it go to waste, shall we_ ).

“Get your paper done, Pup,” is all Changbin says, not looking up from his phone, but his face slowly breaks into soft smile, _the prettiest one_ which shows that he is happy, and Jisung falls deeper.

“So much you have no idea, hyung,” he insists, grinning.

Changbin finally looks up at him, with his easy, happy smile, eyes glowing with mirth and so much love it’s wafting, dancing in the air and seeps through Jisung’s skin _he can feel_ Changbin’s happiness, leaning back on the couch, muttering softly, “I know.”

 

_Falling in love with Changbin never felt like falling,_

_it feels more like coming back home,_

_a routine so mundane he has difficulty accepting and acknowledging it at first._

_But when he does, the smile Changbin grants him worth all the stars in the sky, everything best he could name._

_But his favorite is_ Changbin’s smile _._

 

_Jisung isn’t falling,_

_he is coming back home_

_to Changbin’s arms_

_where he belongs_

_all along._

He loves Changbin,

_and he likes the feeling._

 

 

 


End file.
